It's never time for light to shine through my windows. The windows to my soul are shut all day and pry open at night. Looking inside of what's become there's only one thing I've come to understand, and that is nothing. I don't know why people do what they do, or why they don't do but would like to do. Who can really comprehend what enlightenment is buried in the lobes of our brains? I can only understand nothing, and know there's a universe right here we've never explored, but through dreams. Dreams are vague sometimes, but for me, they're frighteningly realistic - I can't tell what's a dream and what's real anymore, or I'm getting more and more disconnected from myself. I'm seeking help again, this is a concern, a mild one, but a concern no less. It's never time for anything bright to come into my life without dimming instantly.
There comes a time, a point and time, when seeking help, and receiving help comes in handy. I did, I found the help, but I discharged myself and believe the help is wearing thin. Feeling nostalgic often times sitting in the same place I did those years ago that damaged me, I retrogress and feel as if I'm sinking back into the muddy pit I had so many hands help me climb out of at will. I can't think of something that would make me laugh, but someone who will make me smile every time I think of her. Haha, I hate sounding so fucking lame. In any case I have broken all ties, and yes, going back to the previous entry, I'm going at this alone until I feel safe with someone else's hand in mine again. This is so hopeless, this whole thing I'm trying to profess, this "moving on" thing. I'm letting go of letting go, at least I hope so. There isn't much else to say, other than hope is failing fast in my mind so soon after being replenished - I think I see a light at the end of the tunnel... But I feel the tracks rumbling too...
I've buried myself alive. It's time for my re-surfacing I guess... I've realized I've kicked everyone out of my fucking life. My best friend, I feel like I'm not worthy to even talk to her anymore, after all I've been doing, so I'm avoiding her, and I guess she's just trying to get answers as to why I've dropped off of the map all of a sudden when I was there for her any time she needed something. Everything has fallen apart around me, but my core is being re-constructed because of the help I've sought. Now it's time to re-invent the world around me and meet new people, lovely people I can relate to for once... I don't fit in anywhere, man. Doesn't matter, this is my chance to build myself up from the beginning. 20 years old, it's time to live this fucking life. Not born to quit, but born to begin again. I suppose I'll do it alone, unless I can get some passengers on this train of thought and hope, I'll leave the doors open just in case I pass by a station, my love. <3
As you read through my gallery, you may notice the often repeating of a specific theme in most, if not all of my poetry. Yes, I write a lot of the same thing, I repeat myself in some of these pieces, but I certainly hope you don't think that this is my entire body of work. In fact, I've got several composition notebooks full of material that varies from what you read here, to more worldly subjects like war, famine, death, politics, and various other seemingly unimportant subject matters. Inspiration is very difficult to attain these days - It's not like it was back in my earlier days, where I could catch a muse like the flu. My source of inspiration has dwindled, and I think that you may know who or what that source may be if you read on. I am apprehensive to submit pieces I feel are good enough to submit here, and I don't quite know why. That's just how I'm wired, I suppose. I'm not always sappy, and writing about a love I may not ever attain - This is what I show you here at Deviantart. If you're interested in other pieces of work, lyrics, poems or otherwise, please feel free to contact me and ask for my MSN.
It's Never Time
